some brilliant remarks

1. Sometimes I don't know whether to laugh at you or pity you.
   
   
2. When someone says, "I feel so stupid"...
   It's okay to feel what you are.
   
   
3. When someone says, "Hey, you wanna hear a joke?"...
   It's okay, you're a joke all by yourself.
   
   
4. When someone manages to solve a problem...
   Looks like I overestimated the number of your brain cells.
   
   
5. When someone says, "I feel so stupid" or something similar...
   That's an understatement.
   
   
6. When someone tells you, "John is so ugly!"...
   Gee, you remind me of him.
   
   
7. Someone has a weird or funny name...
   Gee, your parents certainly have a weird sense of humour.
   
   
8. When someone says, "I don't know how to do this."...
   Ah, I'm not surprised.
   
   
9. When someone asks, "What's happening?!"...
   With your IQ, I don't think you can understand.
   
   
10. You mean you don't know I've a dog?! Didn't you look in the mirror?!?! *give a shocked look*
    
    
11. Hey, what a coincidence! You've the same name as my dog!
    
    
12. Other than being disgusting, irritating, stupid, smelly, [name all the bad stuff you can think of], etc., etc... you're actually quite okay. .
    
    
13. When someone asks, "Do you think this dress is nice?"...
    Please don't make me lie.
    
    
14. When someone expresses frustatedly, "I'm so stupid!"...
    Being honest is a good thing.
    
    
15. Ask someone who can't drive, "Hey, are you free on Saturday? Can you send me to [some place]??" Then, before he gets the chance to reply, you say, "Oh, so sorry, I forgot... you *CAN'T* drive." (my personal favourite...)
    
    
16. Gee, the dress she's wearing sure looks nice... but NOT on her.
    
    
17. When someone asks, "Why can't I do this?"...
    Maybe it's inheritance.
    Maybe it's in your genes.
    
    
18. When someone says, "Hey, let me tell you a joke"...
    HA HA HA HA HA! VERY FUNNY!